It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
