I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
