I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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