Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
