i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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