It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
