Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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