Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
