Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize