My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
