Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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