another moral hangover. fuck.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize