her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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