a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We talked him into tasing himself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
