I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
