Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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