i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
