We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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