i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
