Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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