Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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