do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
