Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
