Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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