I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
