If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
