Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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