I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
