I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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