where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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