There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
