My Higher Power is John Stamos
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
