Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize