Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
