I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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