The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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