Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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