I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize