I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
