i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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