JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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