he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
