im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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