I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
