I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
