wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
