help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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