Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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