so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
