she woke up with a sticky ear
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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