My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
