Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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