I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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