remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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