girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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