so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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