If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
