I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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