i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
